new mercies

This past week has seen my embarrassed/humbled/sheepish face a few times… I’ve realized that I get angry when I don’t understand things. And I don’t understand things because I approach them with my own human perspective instead of God’s. When my prayers aren’t answered fast enough or in the way I want them to be… When I read something I don’t like or understand in Numbers… When I research world news that is filled with death, destruction, and evil… I get angry. My anger at the circumstances then turns to being angry with God Himself. So I vent and let Him know exactly how I’m feeling.

And then He does something really great… Sometimes within seconds of my venting… I get an anonymous and very generous donation. Or someone approaches me about support instead of the other way around. Or I receive a message from strangers saying that they pray for me often. Whatever it is, it usually leaves me feeling embarrassed, humbled, and sheepish.

My only appropriate response can be one of gratitude and worship. So even when I don’t understand, I put my faith in Him. Even when I don’t understand, I obey. Even when I don’t understand, I say “thank you.” He is just, but He is merciful. And His mercies cover me everyday. 

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning."—Lamentations 3:22-23  

one year later

A year ago today... It was cold and sunny. A little after 9:30am. I was walking between the Union and the law building on my way to my Spanish class when my phone rang with the call that changed my life.

Welcome to Young Life staff in Germany. Going to class to learn Spanish seemed a little pointless after that…

It’s hard to believe that was a whole year ago. It’s been a long, difficult, deeply humbling, lonely, and nerve-wracking year. But it’s also been incredible and so, so good. God has challenged me, strengthened me, and loved me in ways I didn’t know He could. And sometimes wish He wouldn’t. As hard as this year has been, I’m so grateful for it because I’m not who I was a year ago.

As I push through the final dollars of fundraising, I have to stop myself from mentally and emotionally checking out. Because I just want to be there. More than anything, I want to begin the life God has called me to in Germany. But one of the many things I’ve learned this past year is to live in the moment. To be patient. To not wish this time away. All while still looking and planning ahead because hopefully by the end of May, I’ll be finished raising support. And then I’ll be gone.