something good

When I was little, maybe like five or six, I remember grabbing my Bible, going into my parents’ bedroom, and asking my mom or my dad, whoever I could find, if we could have a Bible study. I remember being so excited to learn more about Jesus. I was crazy about Him.

I lost that crazy-for-Him fire for a few of my teenage years, but starting my sophomore year of college, I learned what it really meant to pursue and live in a daily relationship with Him. No matter what. Since then, I’ve been constantly growing, maturing, and learning new things.

There have only been three times in my 22 years, however, that The Lord has spoken to me as clearly as if He had actually spoken out loud. If you know me, then you know “words are hard” and they certainly fail me here. But the innermost core of my spirit just recognizes His voice in those beautiful moments. And just a few days ago, His voice rang loud and clear in my spirit.

Do you believe I have something good for you?

It's like that story in John 5 when Jesus asks the paralyzed man if he wants to get well. The answer seems obvious.

Well, yes, duh, of course, I do, Lord.

But then He asked me again.

Do you believe I have something good for you?

Well if He’s asking me again I figured my first answer was probably wrong. So I thought about it and prayed about it.

I know you do, Lord. I know you have good things for me. But I don't know. At this moment in time, no... I don't think I believe that. I feel anxious and fearful and a little angry, and it doesn’t feel like you have good things at all.

One thing that my dad has hammered into my head is that our feelings and emotions stem from our thoughts. If I’m thinking negative thoughts then my emotions are going to follow suit. But if I can just stop... If I can go back to the source...  Recognize that anxiety and fear are not of the Holy Spirit, reject whatever lies I’m believing that are causing me to feel that way, even if they feel true, and replace them with Truth, then eventually my feelings and emotions will catch up. But I have to choose to believe it. I have to take active steps to believe Truth even when my circumstances and emotions say otherwise.

So then, yes. I do believe You have something good for me. Because You say You do in Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 58:11, Jeremiah 1:5, Isaiah 43:18-19… All over scripture You promise good things for me. And that is Truth. Even when it doesn’t feel true.